All hail the conquering heroes, felons, toasters...

It's that time. The networks are reaching their season/series finales and my VCR is doing overtime. It's been a weird season. Some shows have earned my devotion, some shows give me pause, and others have, well, we don't talk about them much, we're hoping they'll go away. And no, I don't have the premium channels- this is an expanded basic listing.

So here's a drive-by look at three I've been watching religiously, along with a few honorable mentions. The rest come later...

24- Fox, starring Kiefer Sutherland and whoever they haven't killed off yet...

My $0.02: It's getting its highest ratings ever, and some of the stunts it's pulled this season prove it. While previous seasons have taken their (sometimes infuriatingly sweet) time unspooling plots and segueing one villain to another, the last two seasons have moved at warp speed. Characters, villains, and plots have came, seen and gotten their asses kicked one after the other. It's worked great to draw in new fans, but older fans have often been un-impressed (to say the least).

But I still enjoy it. It's a solid show, and while the writers have seemed a little less pre-occupied with the details this season, they're still doing a good job at keeping us on our action-junkie toes. The cast has greatly improved over last year's, too. Case in point- Kim Raver's Audrey Raines who spent last season a simpering, whiney, clingy girfriend-type who seemed to not have paid attention when her boyfriend told her what he used to do for a living. This season- damn. I like her, I can't help it. While not a complete 180 from last year's version, this year's Audrey has learned a thing or two and has put it to very good use. She been sneaky, deceitful, and willing to go to some pretty incredible lengths to help save the day. Of course she had to, the characters who previously played that role in the show were all killed off.

Grrrrr: My major gripe of the year is that the staple of talent and emotional Sturm and Drang that carried the first three seasons are gone, either written off, explained away, on in the case of this season in particular, killed off in droves. 24 has never been shy about killing off the talent, but even the most jaded of fan has been left slack-jawed at this year's carnage. With so many characters being killed off, where can it go from here?

Crystal Gazing: The show's star, Kiefer Sutherland, has signed a three year option deal with Fox. Which isn't to say 24 has another three seasons left in the franchise. Contractually speaking, there is one season left on the 24 time clock, if Fox decides to continue the series beyond next year Kiefer is required to be available- but only if the TPTB require it. Everyone keeps floating the idea of a 24 post-Kiefer.. is now the time to do it? Look at what happened to the X-Files, and be very afraid.

Prison Break- Fox, starring Wentworth Miller, Dominic Purcell, and some of the most, um, "interesting" felons since Oz.

My $0.02: My mind keeps telling me that nothing this far-fetched should keep my attention. I only started watching it, 'cause I really liked Dominic Purcell in John Doe. But my mind is wrong, so I check it at the door. From the moment Wentworth Miller walked into that bank, I've been hooked. Lined. And I'm sinking fast.

Part of this is the acting. Prison Break has one of the best ensemble casts I've seen in awhile. They may not all be the best actors, but they act off each other well. And while some of the material they've been given is, well, cheesy enough to keep a family of mice happy for a year, they manage to sell it. Yes, it can be VERY stereo-typical, and the writers seem to have entire passages of The Shawshank Redemption committed to memory, but it's working.

Grrrrr: Haitus sucks, there's no way around it. And a two (three?) month break can kill a lot of momentum. But that's no excuse for letting your plotlines sink into a rut. You can only have so many near-misses, set-backs, and conspiracy theories before it becomes obvious you're marking time until the season finale. While there's a lot to set up for next season, Prison Break could have started some of it sooner. Unless you're Lost on an island somewhere, you shouldn't be having entire episodes dedicated to character flashbacks in your first season.

Crystal Gazing: We know they escape at the end of the season, and season two is everyone on the run, but half the tension in the show is built around the fact that outside prison walls these men would never spend an instant in each other's company. After the escape, when everyone splits to go off on these threads the writers have been setting up, will the tension still be there?
And how long can the running last? This show seems to have a built-in self-destruct, and I think that's a good thing. But studios have a way of by-passing those pesky circuits and that's not always a good thing.....

Battlestar Galactica- SciFi, starring Edward James Olmos, Katee Sackoff, Jamie Bamber, Mary McDonnel, and a bunch of frakking toasters!

My $0.02: This could have been sooooo bad. So very, very, bad that any effort above Power Rangers would have been considered good in my book. I wouldn't have watched it, but I... oh, who am I kidding, I used to watch Power Rangers (a long, long, LONG time ago) I probably would have picked this up eventually. Especially since I had fond memories of the original. But eventually came much faster that anticipated. And stayed. BSG wasn't just good, it was easily some of the best writing, acting, directing, and editing on television. And it was Sci-Fi Action stuff.

This show isn't stupid, and thanks to some great writing, it doesn't assume I am, too. The writers have set up a vivid world of politics, religion, and warfare that interacts with all of the characters, and continually blurs the line between what is "evil" and what is "good." Sometimes we hate the good guys, and we fall in love with the enemy. It's a frakking thin line the writers have chosen, but they're not just walking it, they're doing the tango- and it's beautiful to watch.

Grrrrr: Some of the romantic character relationships have been, well rough. The writers have chosen (and wisely) to try and limit the number of "main" characters through whose eyes we see the events unfold. The downtick of this is that you can't have all your leads in relationships with each other, you become a soap opera- a bad one. So when you elevate a "minor" character to the status of boyfriend/girlfriend it leaves the viewer with the feeling that they got pulled out of a hat. I have no real beef with characters of Dualla and Anders, but I'm not buying the relationships with Apollo and Starbuck, respectively. In fact, the only relationships I've solidly been behind have been Helo/Sharon and Six/Baltar.

Crystal Gazing: Danger, BSG, danger! You have jumped an entire year in continuity. Be careful you didn't jump the shark as well. The next few episodes will tell whether this stays on my essential viewing list or not. You can't change characters so much that we can't recognize them anymore. And you can't spin them so radically without giving the viewing audience motionsickness.

Honorable Mentions

Gray's Anatomy- ABC, starring Sandra Oh, Patrick Dempsey, and lots of other folks who are very easy on the eyes. The couplings are a little all over the board, but it seems to keep things interesting instead of confusing. Again, a great and charismatic cast can overcome a lot. This show came a long way from it's initial offerings and so long as we stay away from too many stunts (I'm talking bombs here folks...) we should be just fine. I sit down, I laugh, and I am thoroughly entertained.
CSI: CBS, starring William Peterson, Marg Helgenberger, Jorja Fox, George Eads and the TMI-cam. Still one of the best written shows on TV and it hasn't fallen into the soap-opera-y trap that's killing CSI: Miami, or the lack of character chemistry that left CSI: NY D.O.A.
The Unit: CBS, starring Scott Foley, Robert Patrick, Dennis Haysbert, Regina Taylor, Audrey Marie Anderson and more military cliches than you can shake a stick at. Off to a slow start, The Unit has been a solid performer in the intervening weeks. It's a good balance for my inner action/intrigue junkie and my inner soapfiend. The downside in this one is the casting. It's the wives. Outside of Taylor, they just annoy me. And someone might want to remind Robert Patrick that he's not a Terminator anymore and a little facial expression won't kill him. Suprisingly, Scott Foley works for me. Go figure- I hated him in Felicity. (Hated the entire show actually, but that's a different subject.)

Drive-by snarkings and crouching ovations...

Oi! Been awhile. Here's some quickies.

Casting issues- If can spot the mole as soon as the actor appears, your casting needs work! The Sentinel- I'm talkin' to you! It's one thing to cast an actor with a history of playing skeevy bastards, if they can convincingly play the good guy until their big reveal. If you get the guy who oozes from the word "action," then his reveal will mean nothing. I know Martin Donovan is a fine actor, but this was just miscast.

I can forgive a lot in a movie, especially one in which the leads play off each other as well as Kiefer Sutherland and Michael Douglas did, but my celebrity obsessions only suspend my disbelief so far.

Kudos to Eva Longiria, she actually managed to keep up her end. She did her best with a one-note character, and held her own with a gun in the shooting scenes.

Overall: Pleasantly suprised, it's still 24-lite, but I'm pretty OK with that.

Sound check, please- If your movie is called Silent Hill, you might want to, oh, I don't know, try a little silence here and there. Some of what would have been the creepiest scenes were ruined by an anvil-ridden soundtrack. Someone please get these people some good Asian horror flicks to peruse. Silence may be golden, but it can also be oppressive, claustrophobic, atmospheric, and laden with the terror of what you should be hearing, but aren't.

But don't mistake soundtracks with sound fx. Some of the creepiest things in this movie were the sounds the creatures were making. I don't care who you are, you meet something on the street making those sounds and you know sh*%'s going downhill fast.

As for the casting, the cackle of Alice Krige's voice, whose silky accent dripped with honey-laced strychnine was the perfect foil for our little girl lost. If Jodell Ferland can keep that ability to balance sweet and innocent with it's darker sister, cruel and vicious, she will be a power to be reckoned with (assuming she doesn't fall by the Hollywood wayside).

Overall: Slightly disappointed. It was a solid entry to the video-game to movie pantheon, there have been worse, but it wasn't nearly as creepy as it should have been.

Go see Thank You For Smoking. You will thank me- if you can get over Katie Holmes' sex scenes, that is. Dawson would be shocked. Tom probably fainted. I thought it was hysterical.

Ewwwww! That was so funny!

OK, I make no claims to having any taste when it comes to movies, but this sh*^'s just funny.

Slither.

The name alone is amusing, (not Snakes on a Plane, amusing, but nifty nonetheless) and early comparisons to the The Evil Dead movies put it on my must see list. And there it will stay, for not since the heyday of Freddy Krueger, have I found something so disgusting, so very, very funny.
Think of all the snarky, WTF?!, things you think during the course of a normal sci-fi, gross-out, creepfest and you have the majority of Nathan Fillion's lines right there. And the ick factor, oh, my- classic B-movie stuff done with A-movie effects.

And I pity that a couple of my friends, who would enjoy the humor, will not EVER see this movie, for I know the exact scene where they both check out- and it is even before the slugs begin the requisite slithering.

See there's this guy who gets cut up the middle, and the inside stuff just kinda, well, falls out. Slowly. (Hey, guys? Where are you going? It's not that... oh, never mind.)

The Scream movies tried to be really scary while being tongue-in-cheek, and sometimes it worked, but a lot of times it didn't. Slither doesn't seem to try to be scary, but sometimes it really is. The casting is great, if cliche'd. Nathan Fillion's got bumbling and snarky down to a science, Gregg Henry's town mayor is appropriately stupid, cowardly, and egotistical, and you actually manage to feel a little pity for Michael Rooker, who usually plays villains with a gusto. I wish our female lead, Elizabeth Banks, had toned down the Botox a bit, a little more facial expression would have been nice. And Tania Saulnier was criminally underused. Other than a plethora of small-town, hick rednecks to fill the rest of the set dressing, that's the cast.

And, yeah, hick redneck cliches abound. And a bit about using a grenade to go fishing becomes very important later. (And also served to identify a Firefly/Serenity fan sitting behind us- "No, Jane, no grenades." Hee.)

If you can take the gross-out, go see this movie. It's funny. Funny ha-ha, funny ewwww, and just enough funny stupid.

Added 4-4-06
Hee- Even the AP reviewer loves it!
'“Slither” also lets Fillion cut loose and get really goofy, all the while maintaining his boyish rogue’s charm. This guy deserves to be a major star.'
'Gunn revels in the absurdities of horror conventions but also clearly loves them.'
'And a scene where zombies do “A Streetcar Named Desire,” coming after Starla uttering her name instead of Marlon Brando’s “Stella,” is just priceless.'