My personal television s&*% list. These are the shows, a genre, and one entire network that have fallen so far, or have managed to stay so mired in the muck of their own offal, that I go surfing by them with my nose plugged and my eyes closed. I am afraid, very very afraid.
The Ghost Whisperer- CBS, staring Jennifer Love Hewitt and her, um, assets.Ya know, I should love a show like this. Creepy kids, vengeful spirits, easy-to-follow plots. I mean, I pay to watch movies dumber than this. But I Just. Can't. Do. It. It's her voice, and her line delivery and her, well it shames me to admit this, but there is something very disturbing about her hair. She turns her head and IT DOESN'T MOVE! Sometimes it does, but occasionally, when it's been teased like a portly third-grader, it's just there.
This Sixth Sense meets Touched By an Angel blended with a WB teen drama just meanders along. At least Patricia Arquette over on Medium has a relevant job and a family to interact with along with Casper and his merry band.
Divine intervention? Yup- it's renewed. JLH gets to stay with the majors instead of being banished back to the Family Channel.
Invasion/Threshold/Surface- ABC/CBS/NBC
Oh the humanity! Or at least what's left of it. Fox Mulder told us for years that the aliens were coming, and he was right. They even cloned themselves a few network executives to use as puppets, spreading their propaganda. Reality TV isn't the only thing spawning r
eplicas on every network possible. Yes, creepy things abounded this season as all of the main networks showed us that there is something out there... now if they can only get those things to watch this show, 'cause we're not.Alien intervention? Invasion has a few more episodes to go before TPTB make their decision. Threshold- abducted, Surface- I fear this one is still around for I cannot find news of its cancellation. (sigh)
The All-American Sitcom- ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, UPN. Comedy, comedy, wherefore out thou comedy? A pratfall by any other actor would smell as sweet. Assuming that a) you have a concept beyond Type A meets Type B, they bond and hilarity ensues, b) a cast that can do comedy well instead of just looking vapid and pretty, and c) an audience who cares.
It seems the live-audience sitcom is falling (however temporarily) by the wayside to make room for a spate of dramedys (*sigh* Arrested Development) and no-audience comedies (The Office, My Name is Earl). This is not a bad thing. Everyone needs a breather now and again. And the genre isn't dead, How I Met Your Mother is an example of a good concept (Courting Alex-Dharma redux), good casting (William Devane- just can't see it here), and not trying too hard to continually one-up itself (Joey, Will and Grace, Two and Half Men....).
Pie in the face? Nope not yet, but Satan's put some of these puppies on life support and has made a few back-room deals the details of which have yet to appear in Variety. Thankfully, not Will and Grace which got old several seasons ago and is now, thankfully axed.
The WB- UPN is, regrettably, too easy, so the WB takes this place because it used to be a good network, or at least had shows I was willing to kill time with. Buffy, Angel, Smallville (until the last two seasons), Gilmore Girls (I know, I know, I just can't bring myself to care anymore!) heck, I even liked Roswell. And I really liked Jack and Bobby- the concept kept it from feeling too high school-y and angst-y. But alas, no more. I'll pick up Supernatural on occasion, I like cheap horror (and cute stars), but that's about it. I don't talk about Charmed anymore- it's too painful.Permanent Hiatus? Yup! The entire network has been cancelled, to be combined with UPN. (YIKES!) Beyond Veronica Mars, no one seems to know what will survive, although everyone's laying their bets. (My money's on Everybody Hates Chris, Supernatural, maybe Smallville and maybe one or two of UPN's other comedies. Gilmore Girls only has about one season left in it- it will likely make the transition, but look for a replacement pilot next season....)
Nobody Should Mentions
Desperate Housewives, ABC- It was cute when it started. Then they solved the big mystery. And introduced a new one. And forgot about it for almost the entire season while they futzed around with the "A" cast, forgetting the things we loved best about them and destroying them. So I'm forgetting it now, too. I have Grey's Anatomy.
Reality TV, ABC/CBS/NBC/UPN/WB/Fox... Reality TV now falls into three categories- 1. My life sucks more than yours so I'll make you watch it. 2. My life sucks more than yours, but these people are going to fix it for me. 3. My life sucks more than yours, but I'm willing to make it suck even more to win neat prizes! Notable exceptions: Intervention- if this doesn't scare you, even a little, you should consider a career as an interventionist, or get your head examined- maybe both. Project Runway/Top Chef- Bravo to Bravo for coming up with reality concepts that take real, tangible skills. And for casting for more than just pretty faces with extreme personalities. There is no amount of sucking up/making deals these people can do to save their asses- "they're in", or they "pack up their knives".
Without a Trace/CSI:Miami- they forgot a cardinal rule of the procedural drama: The characters personal lives are not a central theme of the show. They are to be lived on the side, referenced in "what did you do last weekend?" snippets of snappy banter, or to explain why such-and-such character went a little Vic Mackey on that last suspect. Pay attention to CSI's Vegas crew and L&O: SVU- both have managed to give their characters fairly detailed "off-duty" lives and corresponding work conflicts without having to have any "very special" episodes.
