Wah-hooie! And the winner is....

Am I a happy camper? Hell, yes!

Actually, except for a few snubs in the nominations process, and two, maybe three of the awards, I'm pretty happy with the entire Emmy thing this year. Heck, I was just surprised we ran on time. (So was Bob Newhart, but we'll get to that later.)
And, yeah, my favorite show won, Outstanding Director, Outstanding Lead Actor, Outstanding Drama, hee, but that's not why I was happy.

(OK, I lie, it was, but there was other stuff too!)

First thing- the opening number. Lost, The Office, House, South Park... no show was safe as host Conan O'Brien dashed through them all with the grace, wit, and elegance of a geeky virgin on prom night. I may not always like his style, but this sort of thing suits him. He's actually a pretty good host, although I would have had him work the pacing of his opening monologue more. But, then, that was just the set-up for the musical number about NBC. Yes, I mentioned musical number, Conan O'Brien and NBC in the same paragraph. Here's a link to the monologue and musical bit, the NBC part starts at about 5:25. Ouch, kudos to NBC for not axing it.

From then on, it was a pretty standard Emmy presentation. A few of the presenters tried to be funny and weren't, tried to stay on their cues and didn't. There was fashion, good (and classic good) and evil, and the usual, um, eloquent acceptance speeches. The writer and director of My Name is Earl proved why that show is one of the funniest on TV, and Blythe Danner... well, I'm not sure what she was on about, do you? There was the tribute to Dick Clark (still living) and Aaron Spelling (passed on), as well as the traditional memorial montage (snif!). There weren't any real surprises, but nothing really sank it like the Titanic, either.

The running gag of the night was gamely endured by Mr. Bob Newhart, who was wheeled out in a plexi-glass container with exactly enough air to get him through, if the show didn't run over. After that, we had several check-ins with Mr. Newhart, each more panicked than the rest, and a few of the more canny presenters and recipients went with it, and finally he was released. According to Conan, 52% of the call-in viewers wanted him to live, 42% wanted him to die, and 6% called in just to say they didn't have an opinion. Hokey, yes, but cute nonetheless.

Funniest presenters? You have to ask?


Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, complete with ad-libs. Fun, no?

But how did I do in my predictions? Pretty darn good, if I do say so myself. (Better than my Oscar predictions at any rate.) Out of the 16 categories I listed, my heart and head got 10 of 'em right. My mistakes? Over-estimating the finale effect in two categories, under-estimating it in a third, and just being wrong in the rest. But thank the heavens none of my WTF! choices won. That would have been embarrassing, no?

So congrats to the winners, better luck next time to the rest, and I'm off to wait until January when my favorite EMMY WINNING series returns.

Today's Movie Checklist

• A plot that serves the main action (loosely if necessary)- check
• Airplane (must malfunction on cue)- check
• Stalwart Hero- check
• Stalwart Heroine- check
• Sidekick- check
• Bad Guy- check
• Passenger that's afraid of flying- check
• Passenger Asshole (preferably British)- check
• Actual Mom (with baby for peril and angst)- check and check
• Kids (without parental supervision, see above)- check and check again
  
• Actually, have Central Casting send up one of every stock character for the passenger manifest. (Hmmmm, but no Italian mobsters, Asian's in this year.)
  
• Lap Dog for the Spoiled Heiress (must have appropriate name)- check

• And for God's sake, don't forget the Motherfucking Snakes for the Motherfucking Plane or we have no movie!!!
  

I can honestly say that I haven't had this much campy fun at a movie in ages. (Well, not since Slither anyway.)
I can also honestly say I didn't know death by snakebite could occur in such, um, interesting forms.

It doesn't waste time setting up a silly plot, it's pretty much 1-2-3 and we're on the plane. We're not talking Shakespeare here. But what it does set up isn't stupid. Cliche, oh, goodness, yes. We hit just about every disaster/creature/action cliche there is: no pilot, plane breaks, rampaging, angrier-than-normal animals to hunt and kill, snarly (and snarky) passengers, harried stewardesses, brash FBI agents, all of it and more; but it's not dumb. And it works! The hype didn't lie!

It's funny. And creepy. You don't have to think, so just sit back and enjoy the flight. (Example- all you need to know about the flight attendants you learn during the emergency instructions, and none of them speak a word.) There are scenes that make you squirm in anticipation, and scenes that just jump out and grab you. You name it, we got it, about the only thing missing was the pregnant lady going into labor.

Maybe we're saving that for the sequel.

Go see it, unless you're seriously ophidiophobic in which case I feel genuinely sorry for you, you're missing out on a fun thing here.

And if you're in the Austin area, see it at the Drafthouse and get one of these. (If the snakes left any of 'em, that is.)

Oh, the Humanity! More Emmy noms...

We're back at the Emmy noms, so here's my look at the drama:

Outstanding Supporting Actor
William Shatner (Boston Legal), Oliver Platt (Huff), Michael Imperioli (The Sopranos), Gregory Itzen (24), Alan Alda (The West Wing)
MIA: Hmmm, this is actually a pretty good field. Aside from the overall snub of Battlestar Galactica, which I still think has some of the best writing and strongest actors on the planet, I can't really come up with any one actor missing. I know some critics have been perplexed at the lack of a Grey's Anatomy nom in this category, but I'm not. They got plenty elsewhere, and while I love T.R. Knight's portrayal of the neurotic George, I don't think it's Emmy-worthy. There's the usual West Wing absentees, John Spencer, Bradley Whitford, but I can think of someone who should have been left off.
Seriously, folks, William Shatner- again? I... just don't get it. I mean, actors get this award for playing characters that add to the overall fabric of the show. That give it depth. I'll give Shatner his due, he's been carrying this show for awhile and without him it would have died a painful death and in the past that's been enough to merit award, but not anymore. Not having seen Huff, I can't comment on Platt's character, so I'll only say that based on what I've heard and what I've seen before, he's actually got a shot. The Sopranos had a really off year, if there's a mercy award to be given, this will be it. Alan Alda was amazing in his role as Sen. Vinik, hands down one of the best characters to come out of The West Wing in awhile. And my love/hate relationship with Gregory Itzen's President Logan is shared by legions of 24 fans, new and old. Even people who hate the show watched because of this guy.
Winner: Alan Alda, the elder, revered TV icon + West Wing withdrawal = Emmy gold
I ::heart:: : Gregory Itzen, watching him go from cowardly slimeball to traitorous bastard was amazing, and he sold it wholeheartedly.
WTF?!: I... reallydon't... want... to... seeShatner...win...again. Really.

Outstanding Supporting Actress
Candice Bergen (Boston Legal), Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy), Chandra Wilson (Grey's Anatomy), Blythe Danner (Huff), Jean Smart (24)
MIA: Ahhh, the West Wing snub again. Of all the shows that deserved a nom here, West Wing was topping my list. And not just because I thought Stockard Channing should have been nominated here, if anywhere. Kristen Chenoweth (always adorable) was an excellent addition to the cast and Janel Maloney had an excellent year as well with her character finally coming into her own. But that could just me my post-WW depression speaking.
On the the actual noms. If Shatner's carrying Boston Legal, Bergen's his spotter. I can't really say anything better than that. Again, I've never seen Huff, so I can't judge Danner's performance, so she goes on the "I hear good things," pile. But oh, Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson. The edge goes to Oh, as her character's had the better arc and therefore more emotional growth than Wilson and as such we've seen more of Oh's talent. Although Wilson's performance while her character was in labor while her husband was in surgery was amazing. Unfortunately two noms-one show usually means a split vote and neither can take it. In the end, I can't say enough about Jean Smart's turn on 24. While it would be great to see the stalwart Mary-Lynn Rajskub nominated here, it was Smart's performance as the unbalanced First Lady Martha Logan that took the series to the next level- and that, my friends, is what we should be looking for here.
Winner: While the knee-jerk reaction will be to the more popular Boston Legal, I think Jean Smart has a good chance. So I'm shooting for her.
I ::heart:: : See above, this could be the only place my heart gets its desire.
WTF?!: Sandra Oh, while not a long shot, she still has that split vote that will be hard to overcome.

And here we pause for a moment to reflect. I have before me the list of the various nominees for the mini-series, made-for-TV movies, and variety/comedy series. Have I watched many of these? No. So make of these what you will, and here's the drive-by version before I hit the "biggies." (And we're skipping the supporting players. I'm sorry, I love you, but no. Also- no more links- IMDb it yourself!)

Outstanding Lead Actress in Mini-series or Movie
Kathy Bates (Ambulance Girl), Gillian Anderson (Bleak House), Helen Mirren (Elizabeth I), Judy Davis (A Little Thing Called Murder), Annette Benning (Mrs. Harris)
Nice field, and nice to see that almost the entire field is "women of a certain age."
Winner: coin toss between Benning and Mirren, both are excellence actresses and I hear both were excellent roles. I'll give the edge to Mirren, though. She did play the Queen.
Longshot: Gillian Anderson- the role won her rave reviews, but do we really think the academy will be able to see past the little green men?

Outstanding Lead Actor in Mini-series or Movie
Charles Dance (Bleak House), Donald Sutherland (Human Trafficking), Ben Kingsley (Mrs. Harris), Jon Voight (Pope John Paul II), Andre Braugher (Thief)
Winner: Here's where I really wish I'd actually seen Bleak House or Mrs. Harris, because I've seen Human Trafficking, most of Thief, and parts of Pope John Paul II, and based on that I'm leaning toward Sutherland, maybe Braugher (Thief wasn't good, but he was kinda awesome). So, what the heck, Donald Sutherland. I'll be wrong, but at least I've seen the performance.
Longshot: Voight- there were two major network biopics and neither of them were any good. This was an obligatory nom- they had to pick one of them.

Outstanding Made-for-TV Movie
Flight 93 (A&E), The Flight That Fought Back (Discovery Channel), The Girl in the Cafe (HBO), Mrs. Harris (HBO), Yesterday (HBO)
Winner: It's going to HBO, and I'd say it's between The Girl In The Cafe and Mrs. Harris. Edge to Cafe for social responsibility and political relevance.
Longshot: Flight 93, while having two movies about the same thing usually spells doom, A&E's presentation was the better (or at least better marketed) of the two. And right now most things 9-11 are getting knee-jerk support, whether merited or not.

Outstanding Mini-series
Bleak House (PBS), Elizabeth I (HBO), Into the West (TNT), Sleeper Cell (Showtime)
Winner: Sleeper Cell- social relevance, solid casting/acting, and hits the hot-buttons. Out of all the minis and movies I missed this is the only one that ended up on my Netflix queue.
Longshot: Into the West. This was only nominated because its one of those sweeping epics that are important only insomuch as they got made. I've seen better acting and I've seen the same plots done better in half the time.

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report (Comedy Central), The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (Comedy Central), Late Night With Conan O'Brien (NBC), Late Show With David Letterman (CBS), Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO)
Winner: Ouch, the split vote returns. I still say The Daily Show takes it.
Longshot: Real Time, here's where being on a premium cable network will kill ya, and, well, the Daily Show writers are better...

Whew! Home stretch....

Outstanding Actress in a Drama Series
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer), Geena Davis (Commander in Chief), Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU), Frances Conroy (Six Feet Under), Allison Janney (The West Wing)
MIA: Again, where's the love for Battlestar Galactica? I'd put Mary McConnell up here in a heartbeat. And possibly a nod to Patricia Arquette in Medium would have been nice.
I don't get this field of nominees. Was this really the best we had this year? I love Allison Janney, don't get me wrong, and The West Wing will be missed. But Janney's had better seasons and just because she's been nominated every year doesn't mean she needed to be nominated this year.... Same goes for Frances Conroy, too. I guess this is how we say, "Thanks for the memories," and "We'll see you when you guest star on other shows!" And while no one was happier for Mariska for finally grabbing her gold, her work this year fell off as the writers had to pull her back for her pending maternity leave. Another habit nomination? The only two here who earned it were Davis and Sedgwick. But Davis was crippled by the freakshow rollercoaster the series took before being put out if its misery, and while Sedgwick sells it every week, the rest of the cast can't quite keep pace with her manic energy, nor can the writers who are competing with all the other procedurals.
Winner: Allison Janney- Again, the West Wing withdrawal Syndrome strikes.
I ::heart:: : Kyra Sedgwick
WTF?!: Frances Conroy- She's never really gotten the recognition she may have deserved for this role she just keeps getting overshadowed by the others....

Outstanding Actor in a Drama Series
Denis Leary (Rescue Me), Peter Krause (Six Feet Under), Kiefer Sutherland (24), Martin Sheen (The West Wing), Christopher Meloni (Law & Order: SVU)
MIA: The show is Battlestar Galactica- how many times to I have to tell you people this? Sheesh! And I'm actually shocked that there are no automatic Sopranos contestants here, nor any love for Deadwood... And The Shield is still on, right? Paging Dr. House....
This is an OK field, after all, it's been slim pickins in the acting dept all 'round this year, except- Sheen, again? Really? He was in last season? Funny, I can't really remember him being there, but I'm sure he was and he is truly a gifted actor, so... Peter Krause, your character died and it was the most interesting thing he'd done in awhile. Still, you're a solid actor and we're glad to have you. Thank you, whoever put Mr. Meloni up this year! All the angst and anger really paid off, and it was wonderful seeing Meloni take his character over the edge, I just wish his nom had come before this 'cause he ain't got a chance in hell. Ahh, Mr. Sutherland, you must be getting pretty comfy in this category, and just as comfortable watching someone else walk away with the prize. Still it's been a REALLY good year for 24. And love him or hate him (or both, I'm not that picky), Denis Leary deserves this, in fact:
Winner: Leary. Really. The fact that there are still people watching this show is a testament to the talent on-screen. This show has been amazing and has surpassed everyone's expectations. We like our leading anti-heroes.
I ::heart:: : You have to ask? Kiefer, of course.
WTF?!: Meloni, I'm sorry but this was his best year, but probably the worst one for him to be nominated.

Outstanding Drama Series
Grey's Anatomy (ABC), House (Fox), The Sopranos (HBO), 24 (Fox), The West Wing (NBC)
MIA: Why doesn't anyone watch Sci-Fi? Why? And FX ain't just sittin' there, ya know!
OK, the only thing we're missing is a Crime Procedural and the aforementioned Sci-Fi and we've hit all the biggies. Action. Medical Drama. Political Intrigue. Campy Soap. Mafia Mania. Angst. Anger. We've got it all. Grey's Anatomy really came into its own, no longer relying on the Housewives carry-over that saved it form early cancellation. But Emmy-worthy? And House, while still gripping and fast paced, has begun to repeat itself.. a lot. And what happened to The Sopranos? No one really seems to know, but while everyone's scratching their heads, they're still watching so something must still be going right. But why not Deadwood? 24 was as unstoppable this season as its leading character, but despite some of the tightest pacing and the best casting in years, it's always been the longshot in this category. Hi, West Wing! How are we supposed to miss you if you won't go away?
Winner: Since everyone's coming back next year, I'll lean to The West Wing. Of all the mercy/pity noms TWW is getting, this is the win that's deserved. They went out with real style and decency, and they coped with the death of star John Spenser with the grace of poetry.
I ::heart:: : 24, 24, 24, 24...
WTF!?: Grey's Anatomy is a Desperate Housewife-away from being a comedy and a few hours-off of being a soap opera.

Well, I think that's it. See you August 27th to see how I did. Not that I think anyone cares....

The Games We Play

...to keep reporters at bay. And things that we do, to let the stalkerazzi stew.

Normally, I could care less about the latest celebrity scandal. Don't get me wrong, I read 'em when they're blinking in bold type in front of me, but I don't hunt out the dirt, and for the most part I don't get stuck on any one thing. Until now. This is starting to make me sick.

Enter Operation Cruise Control.

(The CIA might want to take notes. Heck, at this point, who says they're not?)

The stalkerazzi's stalking.
The legitimate media's fuming.
The conspiracy nuts are muttering away, huddled in their panic rooms.
The bloggers are scratching their heads in total perplexity. (Myself included.)
Rumor runs rampant, and I'm just waiting for the NSA to officially deny any existence of an effort to determine the exact nature of the communications between family and friends regarding little Suri Cruise.

It's a baby.
(Or is it? Duhn-duhn-duhn!)

I must admit, I'm impressed at the information lockdown from the Cruise Camp. When the best the media can do is run headlines saying that such and such actress has claimed to have seen little Suri... wow. That's a shut-out.

But how far can it go? I more than understand the impulse to keep one's personal life private. I know I'd go shuddering, screaming, and seriously insane if I had the kind of media focus some celebrities have. But when you're so locked away that people are doubting the very existence of your child, take a step back, get over yourselves, and drop a freaking Polaroid in the mail. Something, anything.

The longer the wait, the harsher the backlash when little Suri is released from seclusion. Think about it, this has gone on so long that even when the pics are released, people are going to doubt them. Thousands of words, inches of print, and more talking heads than you can shake a stick at are going to pick this apart.

And ten, fifteen years down the road when little Suri googles herself in a fit of boredom and curiosity, what do Mama and Papa say to their little girl when she asks:

"Why doesn't anyone believe I exist?"
"Why do they say you're not my Mom/Dad?"
"Why doesn't anyone believe you?"

I don't care what she believes, or how self-assured this child will be when she grows up. This is going to hurt.

Is this what we're coming to?