The Games We Play

...to keep reporters at bay. And things that we do, to let the stalkerazzi stew.

Normally, I could care less about the latest celebrity scandal. Don't get me wrong, I read 'em when they're blinking in bold type in front of me, but I don't hunt out the dirt, and for the most part I don't get stuck on any one thing. Until now. This is starting to make me sick.

Enter Operation Cruise Control.

(The CIA might want to take notes. Heck, at this point, who says they're not?)

The stalkerazzi's stalking.
The legitimate media's fuming.
The conspiracy nuts are muttering away, huddled in their panic rooms.
The bloggers are scratching their heads in total perplexity. (Myself included.)
Rumor runs rampant, and I'm just waiting for the NSA to officially deny any existence of an effort to determine the exact nature of the communications between family and friends regarding little Suri Cruise.

It's a baby.
(Or is it? Duhn-duhn-duhn!)

I must admit, I'm impressed at the information lockdown from the Cruise Camp. When the best the media can do is run headlines saying that such and such actress has claimed to have seen little Suri... wow. That's a shut-out.

But how far can it go? I more than understand the impulse to keep one's personal life private. I know I'd go shuddering, screaming, and seriously insane if I had the kind of media focus some celebrities have. But when you're so locked away that people are doubting the very existence of your child, take a step back, get over yourselves, and drop a freaking Polaroid in the mail. Something, anything.

The longer the wait, the harsher the backlash when little Suri is released from seclusion. Think about it, this has gone on so long that even when the pics are released, people are going to doubt them. Thousands of words, inches of print, and more talking heads than you can shake a stick at are going to pick this apart.

And ten, fifteen years down the road when little Suri googles herself in a fit of boredom and curiosity, what do Mama and Papa say to their little girl when she asks:

"Why doesn't anyone believe I exist?"
"Why do they say you're not my Mom/Dad?"
"Why doesn't anyone believe you?"

I don't care what she believes, or how self-assured this child will be when she grows up. This is going to hurt.

Is this what we're coming to?

Insert your own joke here 2.0

My what an... interesting news week we're having.

It's now confirmed, Daniel Radcliffe, who has been playing the role of Harry Potter for many a year now, will fufill the wishes of many a fainting fangirl, and give us the full monty in a production of Equus. Seriously. Uncle Vernon's in it, too. Goody!

Well, if you're looking to shed your image, shedding your clothing is certainly an option.

And with that allow me to wallow in the gutter with a few headlines, cliches and all.

• Harry Potter to show us his 'Magic Wand' in West End production!
• A 'stripped down' role for the Harry Potter actor.
• The next 'big thing' for the London stage?
• Radcliffe goes 'balls out' for his next role.

Oh, dear. I think I'll stop there.
Yeah, right there.

Insert your own joke here....

Headline says:

"Kevin Federline to Close Teen Choice Awards" and the first line of the article should read...
...
...
...
...
I just...
I can't...
He's so...
LOOK AT HIM, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
(Please defamer.com, don't sue me for "borrowing" the photo!)

*sigh*

Fine. I'll do it.

...Pity everyone left early.
...And it only cost Britney a small fortune.
...Just so his wife could get him out of the house.
...Because kids really will watch anything.
...FCC is standing by.
...Just so Dane Cook can mock him on his way to the stage.
...And the world cries, "Why, God, why!" (Really- WHY!?!?!?!)
...And in realted news; Sean Preston Ferderline becomes the first infant in therapy- before he even says is first word!


...Just to give me something to post about.

R.I.P.

I have to do it. It wouldn't be right for a TV lover like me not to. As much as I hated the over-the-top campiness of his shows, TV today wouldn't be TV today without his vision. And let's face it, I did love some of it. They don't call them "guilty pleasures" for nothing...

The countless hours spent daydreaming over the pretties he put on the television screen.
The laugh-out-loud absurdness of his show's plotlines.
The endless stunts and, self-promotional marketing.

But seriously, can you find a single person in America who wasn't a fan of his shows at some point?

So here's to you, Mr. Spelling. May you rest in peace, and may Angels (maybe even Charlie's) lead you home.

Aaron Spelling- 1923-2006 Television Production Credits included: Charmed, Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, Dynasty, Charlie's Angels, The Love Boat, 7th Heaven, Hart to Hart, TJ Hooker, Fantasy Island, Starsky and Hutch, S.W.A.T. and The Mod Squad.
And seriously, folks, that's not including TV movies, film features, his daughter Tori....

Newsweek: "Aaron Spelling was the McDonald's of TV producers—no one ever accused him of being a master chef, but he sold more shows than anyone."
"...the Guinness Book of World Records says he created 3,842 hours of television since 1956..."
MSNBC: "To create one of these social mileposts is an honor. To create a few is amazing. To be the man behind all of them borders on a pact with the devil late one night on a lonely road outside Pasadena. Yet anyone who doubts Spelling’s ability to coerce art out of a cultural void need only look at “T.J. Hooker”: Here is a man who somehow convinced William Shatner to run!"
CNN: "But even rarer is the visionary who can satisfy the audience's tastes -- the impresario who knows what viewers want, sometimes even before they do, and then gives it to them. On this, Spelling's track record certifies the exacting calibration of his gut."